Butterfly Gossip
by Satsuki312
Summary: What if Hell Butterflies could talk to each other? Crack fic? Yes. Caring? No. And, yes, I do suck at summeries. T for language
1. Chapter 1

**Butterfly Gossip**

_Disclaimers: 1) I don't own Bleach. 2) This is my first story. 3) It's going to suck A LOT._

_I know that people that are terrible writers should never post their work, but I figure it's one of those things that a person must do at least once so that they learn never to do it again._

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Today is an average day in the Seiretei. Shinigami coming and going to and from the World of the Living, others are sending messages to friends and comrades, many are just sitting about doing nothing, and some are even venturing into the suffocatingly crowded Rukongai. While all of this is going on the Hell Butterflies, the messengers of the shinigami, are helping them communicate and travel. After a day of hard work the Hell Butterflies all flutter soundlessly back to a building on the outskirts of the Seiretei that houses them. There the butterflies chit-chat amongst themselves of that day's odds-and-ends.

In total there are 27 Hell Butterflies*. All of them are cared for by the new recruits and unseated officers. The butterflies have different personalities, likes and dislikes, and preferences, just like the shinigami, but only the other Hell Butterflies can hear them talk.

* * *

Ni-juu: Oh. My. God. Today was _awful_.

Juu-san: Why? It's not like you died or anything.

Ni-juu: Yeah, but dying would have been nice.

San: Really? That bad of a day? Do tell.

Ni-juu: Those damned shinigami were using me like the humans use their phones!

Ni-juu-yon: Ha! That's hilarious!

Juu-nana: For you, you jerk. So, Ni-juu, who was it?

Ni-juu: Some new, pissy, worthless, annoying, God-forsaken recruits.

San: Well at least you weren't assigned to the Captain of Squad 11.

Ni-juu: Why? What happened to Roku?

Juu-yon: Oh, dude, I heard 'bout that!

Go: Dude, I know! That man is a beast!

Ni-juu: WHAT HAPPENED?

Juu-san: The captain of Squad 11 killed her.

Ni-juu: That, that _bastard!_

Juu-kyuu: Did Ni-juu just cuss?

Ni-juu-yon: Took long enough to corrupt you.

Ni-juu-hachi: Honestly.

Ni-juu: Leave me alone! *Flutters off*

Juu-nana: You two are so cruel.

Ni-juu-yon and Ni-juu-hachi: So?

Go: Back to the topic of captain of Squad 11, I don't get why the old man of Squad 1 keeps him around.

Juu-yon: Yeah.

Go: I mean I know rules were meant to be broken, but still, that guy is just insane.

Ni-juu-hachi: Is he all there? Like, mentally all there.

Ni-juu-yon: I doubt it.

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*I made that up, I've no idea how many there really are.

The names of the Hell Butterflies are Japanese numbers. They don't have much of any importance other than showing who's talking. If you have any questions about the numbers (like what they are) I'll put a list up.


	2. Number List

I know this is out of order, and should have been first, but I honestly did not think _anybody_ was going to read this. So to my two readers, CottonballLOL and Nee-chan, (I only got two reviews, which, to me, means I only have two readers), here is a list of numbers used in the story.

Note: In chapter one I said there were 27 Hell Butterflies, but this list goes to 28. The reason is because Roku died. Her sacrifice was one of honour and should be respected.

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Ichi – One

Ni – Two

San – Three

Shi – Four

Go – Five

Roku – Six

Shichi – Seven

Hachi – Eight

Kyuu – Nine

Juu – Ten

Juu-ichi – Eleven

Juu-ni – Twelve

Juu-san – Thirteen

Juu-yon – Fourteen

Juu-go – Fifteen

Juu-roku – Sixteen

Juu-nana – Seventeen

Juu-hachi – Eighteen

Juu-kyuu – Nineteen

Ni-juu – Twenty

Ni-juu-ichi – Twenty-one

Ni-juu-ni – Twenty-two

Ni-juu-san – Twenty-three

Ni-juu-yon – Twenty-four

Ni-juu-go – Twenty-five

Ni-juu-roku – Twenty-six

Ni-juu-nana – Twenty-seven

Ni-juu-hachi – Twenty-eight


	3. Chapter 2

**Butterfly Gossip**

_Disclaimers: 1) I don't own Bleach. 2) If you review, I'll love you __._ _3) It's still going to suck._

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It was a very glum day in the Seiretei. A shinigami academy class was departing for the World of the Living to practice killing real hollow. A Hell Butterfly was suppose to safely guide them there without having the venture through the Dangai, a space between the Soul Society and World of the Living where time is lost and the cleaner, Kototsu, roams. Unfortunately the butterfly that was chosen for this task could not function. Ten students lost their lives, six were seriously injured, and twelve others survived with minor injuries and one scary motherf**king image of a rolling ball. Most of the survivors left the academy and now live in the Rukongai with their family.

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Shichi: I'm going to the World of the Living for the first time!

Juu-nana: Really?

Shichi: Mhm.

Juu-nana: Congrats!

Ni-juu-yon: Yeah, maybe this'll be the task even YOU can't fu-dge up.

Shichi: You were about to say the f-word, weren't you?

Ni-juu-yon: No.

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Later that day two unseated shinigami were going about their tasks taking care of the Hell Butterflies when they began to discuss the recent events in the Seiretei.

Shinigami A: Did you hear?

Shinigami B: Hear what?

Shinigami A: 'Bout the Hell Butterfly that didn't work right.

Shinigami B: No? What was wrong with it?

Shinigami A: Couldn't get a class of academy students past the Dangai... ten people died, six were injured, and the other twelve survived with a few minor scrapes.

Shinigami B: Oh, shit! Let me guess, the Kototsu got 'em.

Shinigami A: Yup.

Shinigami B: Damn.

Shinigami A: We are _never_ going to hear the end of this.

Ni-juu-yon: Wow. Just wow.

Ni-juu-hachi: He even managed to screw that up.

Juu-nana: Be nice!

Juu-Roku: He killed three shinigami because he was...

Juu-nana: Was what?

Ni-juu-yon: Retarded.

Juu-nana: You jerk! Take that back!

Ni-juu-yon: It's second nature to be able to ferry shinigami through to the World of the Living and he FAILED!

Ni-juu-hachi: FAILED, F-A-I-L-E-D!

Juu-Roku: Yeah, _no_body fails that badly.

Go: Except for the shinigami that bred him.

Ni-juu-yon: Ha! Now _that's_ a good one!

Juu-yon: So, do you think he's alive?

Ni-juu-hachi: No.

Ichi: Not in the least.

Juu-roku: Impossible.

San: If he did live, the Head Captain would just have him killed.

Juu-go: You kidding me? Of course he's dead.

Ni-juu-yon: I don't even know how someone the stupid lived so long in the first place.

Ni-juu: Speaking of which, now that another one of us has died, the required number of Hell Butterflies is one under the norm.

Go: So the newbie recruits are gonna have to breed another batch...

Ni-juu-yon: Boys, looks like we've some new cadets to corrupt.

Ni-juu: No! Absolutely not! I _will_ beat you to them.

Nii-juu-yon: We shall see, we shall see.

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those who review, and those who don't. Good things happen to those who do, and bad things happen to those who don't. Type a good word or two and have good luck for a day or two. :D


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